Marry the Man Today!

There has been a lot of talk about marriage recently, particularly when women should marry. There was some backlash when Susan Patton, dubbed "the Princeton Mom" gave her advice to young female Princeton students to find a husband on campus, claiming it's one of the few opportunities they'll have to pick a mate that is an intellectual equal. There has also been a some commentary on the recent "hookup culture" and the absence of seriously defined relationships among young adults and college students.

I have a lot of friends who are involved in this so-called "hookup culture", but not because they feel like they have no other choice in the matter. It's not necessarily peer pressure that forces young women into these undefined relationships, dating has evolved from intense courtship to casual relationships with an emphasis on physical and intimate attraction. I believe the most young women are coming into their own and realizing they don't need to worry about finding a husband in their early to mid-20's, something that is being misconstrued as pressure to conform to purely physical relationships. Suggesting that most of these young women are being forced into this "hookup culture" strips them of their independence and suggests they're following the all too familiar trend of allowing men define their relationships and who they are.

As long as there is a mutual understanding, no harm is being done to either party. So why are people like Julia Shaw, in her article Marry Young, suggesting we're wasting our time not looking for a husband? Shaw suggests young women are waiting for security stating that "marriage doesn't require a big bank account, a dazzling resumé, or a televised wedding—it requires maturity, commitment, and a desire to grow up together"... that sounds similar to most out-of-wedlock monogamous relationships, the ones attainable without a marriage license .

Maybe it's because I don't share the same religious sentiment as others and for those reasons, I'm in no particular rush to get married. In my personal opinion, marriage is just a legal contract that allows partners to get a tax break and share property as well as that beloved health insurance. I don't own property, I'm covered under my parents health insurance for a few more years (thanks ObamaCare!), and I already get a break from being a down-and-out college student with a menial job.

So what's all the hullabaloo about rushing to get married or even finding a life partner in your twenties? Some, like the Princeton Mom, claim that college, surrounded by  intellectual equals, is the prime time to snatch up a husband. She may have a point, if intelligent men is your bag, than an ivy league college is a treasure trove. I once had a professor jokingly suggest that if your looking for a man who is smart and makes good money, become a physicist - her reasoning being barely any women are in the field and you can have your pick of anyone of them. There are a lot of "sad, but true" points being made by both my professor and the Princeton Mom. There aren't enough women working in the sciences, rarely are they put into a position where they have access to intellectual equals. Most people rely on friends of friends as well and school and job circles to meet eligible partners, hence contemporary dating sites like Coffee Meets Bagel.

I am totally fine with living in sin with my significant other until marriage is something I can benefit more from. I am, however, a traditionalist in the sense that I would prefer to be married before having a child. Am I going to preach that all women should wait to get married before having children? No, so this pressure for me to bite the bullet and get hitched is not appreciated. I am confident that I can be in a mature, committed relationship without a piece of paper legally defining it. Not to mention all this hetero-normative talk about women finding husbands completely disregards the LGBTQ community entirely. Perhaps the push for women to marry should be redirected to a different cause, like... marriage equality!

Tracy Moore says it best in her article for Jezebel, "Please Stop Telling Us When to Get Married" Stop suggesting we're husks of women, void of emotions because we're conforming to these physical relationships that will have us doomed to a life of spinsterdom. Stop making young women feel bad about not conforming to Princeton Mom and Julia Shaw's ideals! Marry when you want! Date who you want! And sleep with whoever you want (just use protection)!

Image from Jezebel.com

More commentary on "the hook-up culture" can be found on Nerve and The Atlantic

Follow the links for Amanda Marcotte's article on the Princeton Mom and Julia Shaw's article Marry Young as well as Tracy Moore's response to both articles on Jezebel

Some of my favorite songs are Sexist

I listen to a lot of 1950s oldies and teenybopper music, I suppose I like the clean-cut, innocent, “I wanna hold your hand” content. However, a lot of the themes in music have changed throughout the decades, gone are the days of simply just holding someone’s hand, now it’s mostly all about trying to get someone into bed for the night. However, there is one message that has managed to stick around throughout the years and that’s the status of women in regards to relationships.

One of my absolute favorite songs is Wives and Lovers (lyrics/song). It’s an incredibly sexist song that has such a nice jazzy feel to it that almost does make you want to spend all day fixing the house up for your husband. The message in this song is that though you’re now married and no longer a desperate spinster, that doesn’t mean you should give up on appearances and making your man happy. The singer tells women “For wives should always be lovers, too/Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you/I'm warning you.” LADIES! THIS IS A WARNING! DON’T LET YOURSELF GO! THERE IS SUCH A THING AS DIVORCE AND INFIDELITY AND YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT AFRAID TO USE ‘EM!

Some of my favorite musicals also share similar messages regarding relationships. Hello Dolly’s It Takes a Woman (lyrics/song), describes all the tasks and chores that simply only a woman could handle, such as, “To joyously clean out the drain in the sink”, “For washing and blueing and shoeing the mare”, “And it takes a female for setting the table”.  Another example is poor Adelaide from Guys and Dolls, she's pretty fed up with her fiance Nathan, to the point where she decides that marrying him today and changing his ways later is the only solution in her song Marry the Man Today (lyrics/song). She exclaims, “Marry the man today/Rather than sigh in sorrow/Marry the man today/ And change his ways tomorrow”, because when your fiance is stressing you out the only solution is to just put up with it. Better to be married rather than single, right?

Like I mentioned before, this was decades ago, traditional values regarding marriage and courtship have since flown out the window. However, the status of women in relationships is still something that constantly comes up in modern music.

So what makes Bruno Mars’ Just The Way You Are (lyrics/song) different from Wives and Lovers? The language used has evolved drastically. Marriage is no longer a heavy theme in much of today’s music, it’s mostly about dating, though the word “wife” is used, it appears to be a loose reference to girlfriend. Much of modern music appears to be sung by men for women, wives, girlfriends, bitches, hoes, etc. Women aren’t really speaking to other women about relationships anymore. Adelaide isn’t around anymore to tell you to deal with your fiance’s nonsense and worry about changing his behavior later. Instead of being told to put your makeup on to keep your man, Bruno Mars and One Direction are telling women they’re beautiful regardless. That message is much more positive, but that suggests that music has evolved from women telling women how to keep a man to men telling women “no, this is how you keep a man”.

Though there are some empowering songs sung by women to women like Aretha Franklin’s Respect (lyrics/song) and others that bring gender and equality to light like No Doubt’s Just a Girl (lyrics/song) and very rarely a man comes into the mix with something like Tupac’s Keep Ya Head Up (lyrics/song). I had a hard time looking for modern songs that didn’t focus on relationships so much, but discussed or hinted at empowerment, gender, equality, and so on.

Not to completely overlook sexism in music regarding the status of men. Beyonce's If I were a Boy 

(lyrics/song) gives her interpretation of

what she believes her life would be like if she were male instead of female, “Drink beer with the guys/And chase after girls /I’d kick it with who I wanted/And I’d never get confronted for it./Cause they’d stick up for me.” True or untrue? Interpretations of what being a man really means are just as generalized as they are for women. The Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry (lyrics/song) suggests something differently, “I try and/Laugh about it/Hiding the tears in my eyes/'cause boys don't cry/Boys don't cry”.

With that said, are some of your favorite songs incredibly sexist? Are they guilty pleasures because of their message? Do you know any songs regarding the status of men and/or women that don’t focus so much on relationships?